I found myself on the beach of a small pond the other day with 10 balloons (Mickey Mouse colors!) and a camera with a wide-angle lens. Serendipity! A few days before, one of my good friends texted this our mutual friend and me: "Here is your assignment today. And I mean it. Buy yourself ten balloons and a Sharpie®. Write one giant heavy thing on each balloon. And one at a time, let them each go. Cry and ask the ocean for help as you release each one. Ask for help leaving it all behind and putting one foot in front of the other and ask for help to not look back."

So here I was with all of these balloons. And a Sharpie®, coincidentally. I figured I may as well do it too because, hey, I've got some heavy things I could stand to be rid of. It's not the ocean, but let's not nitpick.

Balloon No. 1. Let the letting go commence!

The first balloon we'll just call the "Gotye Balloon" and leave it at that.

I discovered something as I prepared to let go of Balloon No. 1. Firstly, the wind was blowing like crazy. I could not have chosen a more boneheaded day to deal with balloons as subjects. The wind was going to fight me. The balloons weren't going to neatly sail over the little picturesque pond as I had wanted them to. The balloons would not be photographed gently and slowly sailing upward. I was tempted not to let go at all. The flew so fast! I couldn't believe it.

This balloon in particular fought me with everything it had. It didn't want to stay where I held it. I said to the balloon, "I can't let you go!" because I needed to photograph it first. That made me cry because I worried that I wouldn't be able to actually let go of that particular balloon or, worse, of the message I had scrawled on it. But I did. And I cried. It was hard to finally watch it float away. I did it though; it's gone. It's probably hovering over Seattle by now.

No. 2: Feeling Like I'm Not Enough

It doesn't read, "Feeling like I'm not good enough." It reads, "Feeling like I'm not enough" as in, no matter how much me there is, there is never enough. I try to be two places at once and super-achieve to make everyone around me happy. I can't do it. How does feeling inadequate help me? How does that help anyone? It doesn't. Bye, Felicia.

I'm enough. See ya!

No. 3: THE PAST

This balloon was a toughie. Mostly because it's gigantic. As of this moment in time, I've experienced being born, preschool, grammar school, high school, two colleges, boyfriends, grandparents dying, new and old friends, work experiences, that time my bikini top fell down at Action Park...

In other the words, the past is actually kind of large. Because I'm not four. I wrote it in all caps to signify that it's a big thing. I suspect that if Yoda were involved, however, he would have told me that there was no difference.

Luke: I can't. It's too big.

Yoda: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not.

And if you want to have a good time, you should Google "Yoda balloons images."

"Let it go, you should."

No. 4: WORRY

This next one is a bear. And it's all day long, every day. "Am I making enough money?" "Could I be sick and not even know it?" "What if my 14-year old car breaks down and it's 90 out and I don't have a big hat with me NOR am I wearing sunscreen?" "If my upper arms look like this now, what will they look like in 20 years??" etc.

Good news is, worry got out in a hurry. Keeping it away will be the real challenge.

No. 5: The need to be the PERFECT MOTHER

"Did I send the kids enough to eat for camp?" "Oh geez, the house is so messy. The boys are going to look back and only remember the mess." "Are the boys having a good childhood?" "Will they grow up and complain to their friends that I was such an awful mom for not letting them watch enough tv or eat enough junk food?" "I shouted at them and now they're scarred for life." "We don't take them enough places." "I put them to bed on time in the summer so they can get up early for camp. Both of those things must make me a bad mom."

Do you do that? Yeah, you should stop. I'm going to try. Hey, I wrote it on a balloon and sent it sailing, which is more than I had done the day before.

No. 6: Fear of Failure a/k/a Fear of Success

When I quit my full-time 9-5 in August 2015, it was because I assumed I would succeed. Why else would I do that, right? Running your own business is hard and blah blah blah. There is a little voice in the back of mind that says, "Work harder! Find something totally uniquely yours and stand apart! Do it NOW!!!" And then there's another voice that says, "Did you see that woman who did the underwater maternity photos? Yet another awesome idea that's taken. I'm not sure there are any cool or unusual things that haven't been done. Better keep your typing skills fresh. When was the last time you updated your resume?"

Ray LaMontagne wrote songs in a small, self-built cabin with no electricity and running water. He had a wife and small kids so I'm not really sure how he got anything done but the point of that small yet poignant story is that he didn't have anyone to which he could compare himself. He was making music in a vacuum. With the constant spray of social media, it's so hard not to compare yourself to everyone else on the planet. Even some 17-year old kid with a smartphone is somehow a legitimate threat to my photography business because of her brilliant use of the Hefe filter on Instagram, right? But seriously. I'm going to stop doing that. Which is why I'm doing more of this.

No. 7: The notion that I'm too SMALL to make a DIFFERENCE

Malala Yousafzai is one of my personal heroines. The wisdom, kindness, empathy, strength and courage this young woman possesses is so humbling and uplifting. As of the writing of this blog, she is 18-years old. She said, "Some people only ask others to do something. I believe that, why should I wait for someone else? Why don't I take a step and move forward." This is in no way an attempt to compare myself to a woman who transformed the lives of millions of people. I'm just taking a moment to point out that she's 100% correct. What stirs your soul? What would you change if you thought your voice mattered? What would you say if you thought anyone was listening?

The only way to begin is to START.

And finally, the photographer with the leftover balloons. Firstly, a woman holding black balloons shouldn't smile. She should always look like she wants to star in a sad GooGoo Dolls video. I'm still waiting for the phone to ring. Anyway.

As you can see, the wind fought hard against my little mission. How neat they would have looked straight up and down next to my head, right? Life isn't like that. Balloons (like children), apparently, don't do what you want them to. Balloons filled with helium have one mission: to fly upward. There was pretty much zero possibility that I would write on a balloon, let it go and it would sort of hang around, wistfully; pathetically dragging it's ribbon and getting it wrapped around my car's antennae. They were destined to fly from me (like my kids, right? *sob*). That's how I'm starting to think of these negative, heavy feelings that I'm dragging around with me: they are destined to fly from me. But they can't do that until I let them go.